At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Of course I have a pirate flag
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Oh god it's open bar.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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