so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
