Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
