So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
