so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
