is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
