hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
