a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
There's even glitter on my cock...
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