dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
