So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
