Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
