I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
