Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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