just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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