I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
