i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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