Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
