Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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