Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
