went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
