piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
