drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Holy shit dude........stairs
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