Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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