So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
false alarm, still single
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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