i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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