I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
