I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
