i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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