$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
