I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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