my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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