office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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