mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
