Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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