I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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