Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
