Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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