my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
