So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
