Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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