I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
