Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
