i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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