i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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