Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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