I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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