Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
