Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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