he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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