I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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