You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
