i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Me too!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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