Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
