Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize