I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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