when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
