My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Randomize
