Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
