Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
