so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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