Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
