i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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