Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
