I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
