so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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